This journal

It has been since June that I resigned just after starting this journal. Journals have legs to walk with you through various journeys and seasons. Journals have backs and hearts to carry a great deal of things so you do not have to.

This journal is a gift from a friend I have not seen or spoken with in many years. It was a random gift which arrived just before an enormous life change I did not foresee at the time. This journal came to me from a friend who has always been a strong encouragement to “Keep writing. Always keep writing.” This journal came from this friend just before a season where it would have been easy to cease writing.

This journal has carried a lot of the things I never wanted to carry. If I could only displace those thoughts and processes on the back and heart of this journal, I could get through days, which would have been otherwise very discouraging and debilitating.

This journal contains the weak prayers of limping through the process of learning to ask God ‘what’ instead of ‘why’. I rarely get answers to ‘why’ questions, but I have learned to look at any and all circumstances asking, “God, what are you doing in me through this?”

This journal contains notes for interviews come and gone for positions I thought were great, if not perfect, but clearly not where God was guiding and calling me.

This journal contains notes for sermons along the way for beloved groups who, unaware to them, gave shock paddles to my heart by giving me opportunities to do what I love in a season when my heart was weak and confused for the future.

This journal has been able to carry the promise of prayer my heart made for the new year. It proves that the challenge remains. It is written in ink after all.

This journal, #38, passes a baton to #39 with promise and hope attached. It uses the discouragement and healing as a springboard to speak to my heart, “You are a better leader, husband, and father than you were before we began walking together, but more importantly, you are closer to the heart of Jesus than you were before we met.”

Owning what you are lent

I woke up a few days ago with a phrase on my heart and mind.

“you are believing or acting like you own what God has lent to you.”

I liked the sound of it so much I went straight to facebook. I had not even got out of bed and I had to share it. I even added to it “selfishness is…”. Lots of people “liked” in a matter of moments.

As I reflected on it throughout the day, I realized God had, in fact, lent me that statement at the beginning of my day.

Then I took and added to what God had lent me as if it were mine. Though it may be a definition of selfishness, that statement was for ME…it was what I needed to hear. I should share what God has lent to me, but I had not even possessed it long enough to sit with it before I shared it.

I am realizing now how much God has lent to me and I have treated it like it is mine. I get frustrated when those things are not as plentiful as I would like. I get frustrated when those things are not used as I think they ought? I get frustrated when these things have to be returned to God; these things which were never mine. Things like:

– My family
– My tithe
– My money
– My gifts and talents
– My Health
– My Education
– My Ministry
– My time
– My LIFE

Quote Month – Gifts

“The great stumbling block in the way of some people being simple disciples is that they are so gifted they won’t trust God.” – Oswald Chambers

Many leaders have fallen prey to the temptation I frequently battle. Instilled with particular gifting, I can become dependent upon those gifts instead of the God who gave them to me.

Reality is that great leaders can form large churches and organizations without the help of God.

Let that statement sink in…allow yourself to get frustrated with me for writing it…

Now realize large does not mean healthy. Large does not mean growth. Large does not mean consecrated, holy, spirit-driven, or even good. It simply means large.

Leaders have a tendency to recognize and even use the gifts God has given them to a dangerous degree to which they end up depending on the gift. I’ve taken my fair share of profiles, tests, and questionnaires to have a strong understanding of the gifts God has given me. The danger lies in the reality that I depend heavily on the gift instead of the God who gave me those gifts.

We are frequently challenged to avoid stifling our gifts…to thrive or seize opportunities to use those gifts, but we are not frequently enough challenged to depend on the Holy Spirit more than we depend on those gifts.

Of course, this is not only a lesson for leaders. We have all been given gifts, but we have to remember what it means to trust outrageously in God.

Perhaps we have too much to really need a Provider.
Perhaps we know too much to need a Counselor.
Perhaps we are too comfortable to need a Comforter.
Perhaps we we know and do too much for God to be Sovereign.
Perhaps we are trying to save too many people to need a Christ.
Perhaps people seek us more than they do The Truth.
Perhaps we are too busy being the 4th person of the Trinity.

Perhaps we are depending too much on our gifts and not enough on the God who gave us our gifts.