Search and Reveal: the only balance between self praise and blame

There is a great value to self-examination within the day to day walk with and after Christ, but it ought to be more than a solely self-examination. It is why the Psalmist prayed, “Search me O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Ps. 139:23-24) When we do the necessary work of self-examination we must invite God to search along with us and reveal the things He will. We do this because when left to our own, we have two primary tendencies, both of which are destructive to the honest heart after God.

Our first tendency is to praise ourselves too highly. If we do not ask God to search our hearts and reveal, we will make excuses for every wicked or troublesome thing in our heart and mind. We will make light of dark things, which ought to be dealt with.

Our other tendency is to blame ourselves too heavily. If we do not ask God to search and reveal, we will tirelessly break ourselves down. For some of us God is entirely more gracious toward our sin than we would ever dream of being for ourselves.This is why we need God to search and reveal our true heart’s condition.

God is fully aware of our tendency toward one of these extremes (I find myself in the latter most often). Because He is aware of our tendency, and because He knows too much SELF-examination does more harm than good, He presents in the Psalms how we ought to search and reveal the sin in our lives. We go about this with humility and grace, only God can accomplish that balance with perfection. Only God will draw us in humility and grace for self in order to balance between the extremes of praise and blame.

The grammar of power

2 Timothy 1:7
“For God has not given you a spirit of fear, but of power, and love, and discipline.”

Here is a verse so many Christians love to misuse for the courage to face daunting moments in life. We are reminded in quoting this verse you ought to not be fearful because God has placed within you power. We will quote this verse and challenge one another to live in the power God has given to you instead of neglecting it by living in fear.

But there is a misuse here, and it is entirely grammatical. We are placing a period where there are commas. We read and quote this passage as though all we need to do is not be afraid, but be powerful, PERIOD! We have removed the commas and cut off the rest of the passage.

No! You are not given a spirit of fear. Yes! You have been given a spirit of power, COMMA, AND love, COMMA, AND discipline. In the moments most daunting, you are given a spirit of power, and love, and discipline. In the most difficult and “fearful” moments of life how often have you ever been challenged to draw upon love and discipline as much as power? Could the spirit of power only be found in the compound of love and discipline? In the daunting moments of life when you are tempted to fear, will you discipline yourself to love God and people; because there is power in that!

Savior before Teacher

Who is Jesus to me? He has to first be Savior and LORD before He can be my Teacher. Anyone who only calls Him Teacher must be hopeless, because no pupil or disciple could really accomplish His teaching; not even the best ever student could accomplish his teaching.

I need Jesus first to be Savior and LORD. I need first that very realization that I cannot accomplish even a portion of his teaching, because THEN I am ‘poor and humble in spirit’ enough to know my need for rescue from my undeserving and incapable condition.

Only then can I look with any confidence at His teaching for my life as His disciple and follower. Without His rescue I would only live in despair all the days of my life in comparison to the life he teaches me to live.

Ozzie Chambers wrote, “He came to make me what He teaches me I should be.”

I am saved and controlled and covered by His Spirit in those places I wish I could do on my own but could never hope to accomplish on my own. If I begin with my poor and humble need, Jesus says, “You are blessed.” (Matthew 5)

You will be happy if you begin with your humble view and realization that you could never accomplish the half of His teaching on your own if not for His Spirit and salvation within.

Praying for you/me

Reading Psalm 88 today after I have resigned from a ministry I have loved for 7 years has presented me a great challenge.

Though the Psalmist never turns toward any real resolve in this Psalm, there is one phrase he repeats over and over throughout all his sorrow and lament where I find my heart’s biggest challenge.

Over and over the Psalmist says, “I have called out to you every day, O LORD; I have spread my hands to you…in the morning my prayer comes before you. I have cried out to you for help, O LORD.”

Will I in this time, cry out to God each day? Will I spread out my hands to Him? Will my prayers come before Him OR will I wallow and mope and “try to figure it out”?

Today, I ran into a friend at the coffee shop and told her the news. She said she was sorry, and then she said she would be praying. I thanked her like I have everyone who said similar things the last week. But then she said, “No! I mean that. I WILL pray for you.”

I stopped to look her in the eye and say, “I believe that. Thank you.” (NOT that I don’t believe others are actually praying for me, but her directed affirmation was helpful.)

This has me thinking and challenged in this time. I appreciate all the prayers people are offering up on my behalf right now, and I am truly humbled by so many great friends who would do this for me, but here is the challenge: I MUST PRAY…also! I must pray each day and extend my needy and shaking hands to God. I must cry out to Him every day.

Loving eyes

His love is more potent than any other
because His eyes are more powerful than the rest
His eyes see through the filth and crust
they see through perversion

His eyes caught and catch glimpses
of the Divine intention hidden
in every person in every way
His first loving act is to give
new eyes

When Bryleigh and I went to not the best part of town

Bryleigh and I ran to the store for a few things we were missing for dinner. As of late, two small children always at the heels means if Tonya or I are heading out for something, you are taking one child with you.

I love this.

While we do much of our grocery shopping at Trader Joes where we can make healthier choices, our closer and cheaper grocery store is ‘not in the best part of town’. There is a part of me that prefers these parts of town.

On our way out of the store to the car, we were approached by a not uncommon beggar. Having worked several years with the homeless, addicted, and transient culture, I could recognize this man was not intoxicated in any fashion. He already had a box of food in a cart. He approached me wanting to get his story out as fast as he can (a story I don’t need to hear, but I’m listening). He mentions he had just met a pastor at Walgreens who helped him out by getting him this food for his family, but he still really needs milk. Could we get him some milk?

“Yeah! I can get you some milk. Bryleigh, let’s go back in and get some milk for our friend here.”

Bryleigh says, “Why are we going back inside to get milk?”
The man answers, “Because your dad is a good man!”

We go in to get the milk, and on our way in I ask Bryleigh, “Why do you think we are getting milk for that man?”
“I don’t know.”
“We want to be nice to everyone we meet, but we also do this because Jesus asked that we do nice things for people.”

When we come back out to give the man the milk, I tell him, “I guess you hit the pastor jackpot tonight.”
“You’re a pastor?”
“I am.”
“Well I’m gonna go home tonight and thank my heavenly Father.”

Now a few days later a few things stick out from that experience:
– A man in need spoke to my daughter that her dad is a good man.
– An opportunity to teach by example the care for others and the reason we do so
– A missed opportunity to tell that man, “Thank you.”
– A missed opportunity to tell that man, “Lets pray and thank our heavenly Father right now.”

To me, God is Good.

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

I am more and more convinced that what we think is “good” will almost never be the same as what God thinks is good. In fact, more often than not, we will question most things as to whether they are good at all, but most of the time we use a metric for defining “good” that is based on feelings and thoughts of an eternally narrow definition. God works all things for good of those who love Him, and it will be so according to HIS purposes; not mine.

But if I truly love God, I KNOW that God will work this together for my good as He defines good. If I love God truly and with all of me, I KNOW God…IS…GOOD to me. That is not to say God is only good to those who love him, it means that those who love God know God is good; that to them, God is good.

50/50 Relationships

Love and relationships are said to be give and take
50/50
This cannot be!
Relationships are 100/100…
GIVE/GIVE!!!

Act Like You Need it

Thoughts on Loving in Spirit

To love someone in spirit IS to love them despite what they do.  It sees THROUGH what they do and makes no conditions based on what they do.  Basically to love someone in spirit means that we see them as a child of God, blameless before God because of his Grace.

Imagine if I was blameless, never did things wrong and was thus worthy of great friendship from everyone.  It would be very easy for you to love me.  But that is because I would not have horrible things in your way.  I wouldn’t have the habits you hate, the struggles you strike out against.  I wouldn’t do things you hated.  Now if you see my habits, my struggles my flawed HUMANITY, it is harder to love me, but you’re looking at the wrong thing.

The only reason God loves us unconditionally is because he doesn’t even see the things WE base our conditions on.  God does not see my habits, struggles and flawed humanity.  He sees, “a little child who hasn’t been loved enough and who has ceased growing because someone has ceased believing in me.”  Now if I could love others that way, I love them in spirit because their flesh makes no difference to me.  I could care less about their flesh, their struggles, their habits, their hangups and flawed humanity. I love the child who needs someone to believe in him, the spirit who truly is blameless and incased in a flawed human flesh.

When I used to go Perkins in college (Oh how I miss Perkins), I purposefully never saw a waitress as a waitress.  I saw her as a person like me, not a person there to take my order, bring my food, end of transaction.  She was a person, a child like me who needed someone to believe in her and treat her that way.  I loved the Perkins waitress in spirit not flesh, because I did not care that one of them had been divorced 4 times, cussed like a sailor, and had three kids from different men.  But I do know that she wept in my arms one night when she was terrified and broken.  I loved a waitress in spirit instead of her flesh.